Teach English in China : Some Fun with English Words
Some Fun with English Words
For Chinese Students of English
How to Improve Oral English Series.
The purpose of this article is just to provide you with some fun!
Some Language Fun
Here are some oddities concerning the English Language, that you might find funny, or from which you might learn new uses of the Language.
1) The bandage was wound around the wound. (To Wind / An Injury)
2) The farm was used to produce produce. (To Grow / Food)
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. (Not Allow / Rubbish)
4) We must polish the Polish furniture. (To Polish / From Poland)
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. (To Lead the Way / If Not so slow - weighed down with Lead)
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. (To Leave / After Dinner Sweets / In the Hot Dry Sandy Desert)
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. (Like this Moment Now / To Give / The Gift)
8] A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum (A Fish / On a Type of Drum)
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. (A Bird / To Dive Down - Dove)
10) I did not object to the object. (Do not say 'No' to / Some Thing)
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. (No Good or Useless / Handicapped or Ill)
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. (A fight / Action of making boat move)
13) They were too close to the door to close it. (Near / Shut)
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. (Male Deer / Female Deer)
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. (One who sews / WC plumbing)
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. (His Pig / to plant produce)
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail (The Air Movement / To Wrap or Move)
18 ] After a number of injections my jaw got number. (Da Zhen - Needles / Understood)
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. (A rip / To Cry)
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests (Submit / The Patient)
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? (To let someone know / A very close personal friend)
Why is it so?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
TONGUE TWISTERS
Not all of these tongue twisters make sense. They are meant only to help you with consonant and vowel pronunciation, and provide some fun.
'B'
Bob the billy goat bounced bravely on the boardwalk
Betty Botter bought some butter but she said this butter's bitter; If I put it in the batter, it will make by batter bitter. So she bought some better butter to make her bitter batter better.
"K & C"
Come to the kitchen and kiss me quick cousin Kate, but don't let Kevin Costner catch us kissing.
Couldn't you catch a quicker coach to Castle Cove in Cornwall Kevin?
“D”
A 'doe' is a deer, and 'dough' is a food, and 'deer' is a food that is 'dear'.
David and Dulcie danced daintily on the deck of the Danish ship 'Dansk'.
'F'
Friendly folk are friendliest when dancing with friendly folk; and French folk are fondest of fast fancy dancing.
Fireflies fly fastest and more freely when flying with flocks of flamingos flying in France.
'G'
The gods granted great gifts to the Goths in Germany, and the gifts they gave were got with gluttony.
The giant gnats enjoyed gnawing on the gastronomic goods given them.
'H'
While Howard Horowitz house-hunted during Channukah, Henry Hopner hunted with the hounds at Henley.
He hated the 'hell hounds' and harassed them hard, and hoped that high Heaven hadn't heard.
'I'
Innuit igloos are an ideal innovation in icy, isolated places
Is 'Poison Ivy' as itchy in Indiana, as is the 'Itchy Ivy' in Idaho. I don't know!
'L'
When a tweedle beetle fights, it's called a 'tweedle beetle battle'. When tweedle beetles fight with paddles, it's called a 'Tweedle Beetle Paddle Battle'. When Tweedle Beetles fight with paddles in a bottle, it's called a 'tweedle beetle bottle paddle battle' When tweedle beetles fight in a puddle in a bottle, it's called 'a tweedle beetle bottle puddle paddle battle muddle'.
I languished listlessly, longing for the light of day.
'M'
When Mother Mahoney attempted to mount the mare, the mare moved and mother mismounted.
Mindful of Mary's mystic mindset, Mitchell mentioned the mysterious magic mountain, in the middle of Moldavia.
'N'
Nine Navy nurses nursed nineteen naval officers near Nanango north of Nerangba.
The knights of Newcastle were nifty with knives, nasty to knights, thrifty with naves, and naughty with nursemaids.
'P'
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked.
Pompous Pirates parade proudly in Pink and Purple Pantaloons.
'Q'
He's quick and he's quirky, but he's quite the quintessential gentleman when he is quiet.
The quiet state of Queensland is named after Queen Victoria.
'R'
Robert ran rapidly as he raced around the roundabout. Where is the roundabout around which Robert rapidly ran.
Rodeo riding is rough. The rules are rigid, the riders are rugged, and the races are frightening.
'S'
She sells 'sea shells' by the sea shore, but the shells she sells, are not 'sea shells' I'm sure.
'ST'
He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
'T'
Tiny Tim was just a teen, a teen was tiny Tim. A nineteen year old teen was Tim.
'Th'
Though there are things that go bump in the night, and throughout the night there are noises, the noises throughout the night that you hear are usually nothing to fear.
'V'
The Vixen fell very quickly through the vent, but the vent, like a vice, felled her very quickly.
The university Vice Chancellor vented her anger very vocally on the vicar, who in turn voiced his vitriol on Vivien the volley ball team's vice captain.
'W'
Wendy wisely went to the window when she woke and wondered why, but as she waited by the window, watching and wondering, she awoke to discover she had been dreaming.
The waif wandered wistfully through the woods, wondering what at wonders she would see.
'Z'
Zorro's zebra was always dozing at the zoo. But dozing at the zoo in the daytime fazed the zoo keeper. So Zorro zealously kept him awake.
Idiomatic Phrases : In Australia at least!
First and foremost
I've copped (taken) a lot of flack (trouble) over this.
That's a load of B.S. (Feihua)
Don't jump the gun. (Don't be too quick - make sure of something first)
We had a 'D' & “M” (Deep and Meaningful conversation)
The lights are on but nobody is home (A person is not very bright)
I've had an eloquent sufficiency thank you. (I'm full! Baole!)
He's full of hot air. (He speaks nonsense)
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. (Don't be foolish)
He thinks he's God! (He thinks he knows everything)
That's the 'C.O.' (CEO) (Top Manager)
He/she was hysterical (2 meanings: Funny or Uncontrolled emotion)
He's a barrel of laughs (He's very funny)
I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on. (I'm very forgetful)
I wasn't born yesterday you know (I'm not stupid - you can't fool me)
Do you want the good news or the bad news. (You are not going to like what I tell you)
I'm stuffed ( 2 meanings: I'm very full of food - I'm exhausted)
And pigs can fly! (I don't believe it or you)
He/she is loaded (2 meanings: Lots of Money - or drunk)
Like hell I will (= I won't!)
Don't be a wet blanket (Don't spoil the fun)
Give her/him half a brain and it would be lonely (He/She is stupid)
N-O-T!!! (Children are always well behaved N -O -T) (= Not true)
Could you give me a hand please (Help me)
Give 'em and inch and they'll take a mile (They take advantage of you)
Stay (keep) on their backs (Be strict with them)
Give it a go! (Try it! Shi yi Shi)
It's like water off a duck's back (It doesn't bother me/him)
Don't give me the run-a-round (Don't try to confuse or fool me)
R.P.BenDedek is from Brisbane Australia and is the author of 'The King's Calendar: The Secret of Qumran' at http://www.kingscalendar.com His academic articles set forth Apologetics for and results of his discovery of an "artificial chronological scheme" running through the Bible, Josephus, the Damascus Documents of the Dead Sea Scrolls, and Seder Olam Rabbah.
He writes photographic 'Stories from China' and social editorial commentaries, both at KingsCalendar, and as a contributing newspaper columnist. He currently teaches Conversational English in China and in addition to his English Lessons at KingsCalendar, he has created specific sites for Students of English.
