What does Effective Communication mean? Effective Conversation! Communicating Effectively.
Effective Conversation / Communication.
Effective conversation (communication) is a conversation in which no one gets confused by the other person's MEANING. When people (both the speaker or the listener) don't use proper communication skills, the other person can be unsure of the speaker's meaning. There can be many reasons for not understanding their meaning.
People sometimes change the topic in the conversation, without letting the other person know that the topic has changed. Sometimes this happens because we lack skill, but sometimes it happens because we expect people to hear what we are thinking. People can't do that! They can only pay attention to what we are saying.
In the first article in this series, Chinese Students ask: How Can I Improve My Oral English?, in the Technical Terms Section, Effective Communication was defined as making sure that both speakers understand the meaning of the other. It requires speaking in whole sentences and reflecting back some of the words spoken to you. It may also require asking 'clarifying questions'.
Clarifying Questions are questions that try to find out the other person's true meaning. I had a Chinese boy ask me if he could come to my home and play with me and sleep with me. I had to ask him his meaning. He thought I didn't understand his words. I did understand his words, but I didn't understand his meaning.
In this article, we are going to discuss How to make your conversation effective. We will do this by using practical examples.
To improve your Oral English, you must actually use it.
There are 3 extremely important articles that you should read before embarking on the journey of reading all these 'How to Improve Oral English Series'. They are:
This article may be copied for personal and/or non commercial use.
Please DON'T read this for KNOWLEDGE
You already have knowledge.
Now you need to learn the skill of using your knowledge.
What Does 'Effective Communication' Mean?
1. Two different ways to define 'Effective Communication'.
As listed above, we already have one definition of Effective Communication, but there is another which is just as important to you as a student of English.
Many students don't enter into conversation because they feel inadequate to discuss the topic under discussion. Instead of demonstrating some skill at conversation, (perhaps by changing topic) they choose to remain silent.
When we deal with the topic 'Group Discussion', we are going to go into this problem in more detail, but right now, I want to bring something to your attention, so that you can improve your conversational ability. This especially applies to group discussions, but it also applies to discussions with foreigners.
An effective conversation can also mean a conversation in which something is achieved. It can be a conversation in which two people both enjoy the conversation and learn something. Nothing is more boring than discussing a topic with someone who doesn't talk. The situation is worse, when a foreigner finds that students want the foreigner to talk, but they themselves won't talk. It becomes a one sided conversation.
If you want to be involved with a group, or to have a conversation with a foreigner, you must show some interest in what the group or the foreigner is saying. If you don't really understand what he or they are saying, you only have two real choices.
The first is to simply tell them that you don't understand and to ask for a more simple explanation.
The second is ask some questions about the Keywords that are used. This makes you look intelligent and makes the other person feel that you are really communicating.
Later, when we talk about group discussions, I will point out that the best way to 'appear to be involved in a discussion', is to ask a few relevant questions. This shows interest in the topic and the person speaking.
So within this particular part of this article, we might say that a second definition of Effective Communication can be, Showing interest in the Speaker and his topic by using conversational skills.
2. Two ways to make sure that you communicate effectively.
The first thing you need to do to ensure effective communication (and therefore to have an effective conversation) is to use reflection (key words), and we already touched on this in the article, entitled:Why is Reflection Important? However, we also need to use the skill of paraphrasing the meaning of the other person. This is called Reflecting. Speaking the same keywords, or repeating what you think is the other person's meaning, helps to make sure that you are both speaking about the same thing.
The second thing you need to do to ensure effective communication, is to ask clarifying questions. (Questions that we ask in order to find out the other persons meaning.)
Let's now talk about these two important things.
a. Reflection and Reflecting.
The first thing I want you to note here, is that we are not talking about the dictionary definitions for these two words, as "mirror image" and "thinking". For our purposes here, Reflection means repeating some of the keywords; and reflecting means, paraphrasing the meaning of the other person, to make sure that you have understood correctly.
i) Reflection - using key words.
In the last article entitled: Why is Reflection Important I gave you some examples of how people can be talking at cross purposes. What this means is that because the key words were missing from the conversation, at least one of the two speakers does not realise that the topic has changed. The two people end up talking about two different topics - but they don't realise it at first.
In that article, I provided an example of how a topic changed, and how one of the people failed to realise it, because key words were not repeated. This is the example:
Person A: Will you return to Australia during the Summer Holidays?
Person B: No, I will stay with friends in Hong Hu.
Person A: Is it really beautiful there?
Person A means: Is it really beautiful there in Australia. But Person B was just mentioning Hong Hu and can think that Person A means: Is it beautiful there in Hong Hu.
Person B: Yes, I love it there. (He means there in Hong Hu)
If he had said: Yes I love it there in Hong Hu or Yes Hong Hu is beautiful, then Person A would know that the topic has changed.
Person A: What do you like the most? (Meaning: the most about Australia)
Person B: I just love how peaceful it (Hong Hu) is, and of course I just love visiting my friends (in Hong Hu).
Person A: What do you do there? (Meaning Australia)
Person B: Well sometimes we play Majiang (in Hong Hu) and sometimes we walk in the rice fields (in Hong Hu), and other times we ride bicycles along the ChangJiang (in Hong Hu).
Person A: But the ChangJiang is in China.
Person A is surprised to find that Person B is talking about China. Person B is confused.
Person B: Yes of course. So is Hong Hu! (He has been talking about Hong Hu the whole time - he does not know why the other person is surprised.)
Person A: Why are you talking about Hong Hu? (When I have been talking about Australia.)
Person B: Because you asked me if I like it there (when I mentioned Hong Hu).
Person A: No! I asked if you like it in Australia. (But he didn't say Australia - he said there)
Person B: No you didn't. You asked me if I will go to Australia in Summer, and I said that I wouldn't, but that I would go to Hong Hu. Then you asked me if I like it there. (An undefined or non specific reference to a place) I assumed that you meant (there in) Hong Hu.
Each person assumed that the other person understood the topic.
There is a saying in English: "If you Assume something then you will make an Ass of You and Me."
In a conversation, it is always better to know what the other person is talking about, than to assume that you know. If it is possible that you may have misunderstood someone, it is vital check with them. You can do this by reflecting back - or paraphrasing what they have said. This can be done either as a statement, or a question.
But to really make sure that there is no confusion in a conversation, both speakers should constantly make sure that the other person knows exactly what they are talking about. In the conversation example above, there were several places where either person could have made sure that they were speaking clearly. For example:
Person A: Will you return to Australia during the Summer Holidays?
Person B: No, I will stay with friends in Hong Hu.
Person A: Could have used the keyword - Australia Is it really beautiful in Australia?
From this point onwards, this conversation would have been different, because it would have been about Australia.
Another example:
Person A: Will you return to Australia during the Summer Holidays?
Person B: No, I will stay with friends in Hong Hu.
Person A: Is it really beautiful there?
Person B: Said - "Yes, I love it there" but he could have made sure that Person A knew that he was talking about Hong Hu by asking: "Do you mean Australia or Hong Hu?"
Another Example
Person A: Will you return to Australia during the Summer Holidays?
Person B: No, I will stay with friends in Hong Hu.
Person A: Is it really beautiful there?
Person B: Yes, I love it there.
Person A: said: "What do you like the most?" he should have said: What do you like most about Australia?
If the question had been asked this way, Person B: would have realised that the question: "Do you like it there?" actually referred to Australia and not to Hong Hu. From this point the conversation would have been about Australia.
Another Example
Person A: Will you return to Australia during the Summer Holidays?
Person B: No, I will stay with friends in Hong Hu.
Person A: Is it really beautiful there?
Person B: Yes, I love it there.
Person A: What do you like the most?
Person B: I just love how peaceful it is, and of course I just love visiting my friends.
If Person B: had said: 'I just love how peaceful Hong Hu is'- then Person A would have known that they were talking about two different places.
Another Example
Person A: Will you return to Australia during the Summer Holidays?
Person B: No, I will stay with friends in Hong Hu.
Person A: Is it really beautiful there?
Person B: Yes, I love it there.
Person A: What do you like the most?
Person B: I just love how peaceful it is, and of course I just love visiting my friends.
Person A: said: 'What do you do there?' He should have said: 'What do you do in Australia?'
There were several points at which we both could have made sure that they exactly understood each other. But because they didn't, the conversation ended up in confusion.
A confusing conversation.
Will you return to Australia during the Summer Holidays?
No, I will stay with friends in Hong Hu.
Is it really beautiful there?
Yes, I love it there.
What do you like the most?
I just love how peaceful it is, and of course I just love visiting my friends.
What do you do there?
Well sometimes we play Majiang and sometimes we walk in the rice fields, and other times we ride bicycles along the ChangJiang.
But the ChangJiang is in China.
Yes of course. So is Hong Hu!
Why are you talking about Hong Hu?
Because you asked me if I like it there.
No! I asked if you like it in Australia.
No you didn't. You asked me if I will go to Australia in summer, and I said that I wouldn't, but that I would go to Hong Hu. Then you asked me if I like it there. I assumed that you meant Hong Hu.
Just as the key to Changing Topics in a conversation is to use the Key words of a question or an answer, failing to use a key word can cause confusion.
ii) Reflecting - paraphrasing back the other person's meaning.
Even native speakers of English, can misunderstand each other, because they have failed to use good conversational skills. Miscommunication is a common occurrence. The chances of miscommunication when dealing with a person from another culture, are even higher. The chances of miscommunication with a person from another culture who is not fluent, experienced, or comfortable when speaking English, are even higher.
Just as foreigners must always remain alert, and never assume that their meaning has been understood, so too must students of English. Intercultural communication requires a great deal of skill. One part of that involves cultural understanding, but the very first important skill, is to make sure that when we speak, that we do not change topic without first letting the other person know. The second skill is to make sure that we have understood the meaning of the other person.
Often in class, I will ask the students: "Do you understand?". Of course, usually they say: "Yes!" But if I then ask them to tell me my meaning, I often find that they really don't know my meaning at all. Saying "yes" just to be polite, can lead to misunderstanding. Take this for example. In Hong Hu I used to say to the students:
OK. Now I want you all to stand up.
I want you to imagine that we are going to walk out the door.
Then we are going to walk down the stairs.
When we get to the bottom of all the stairs,
We are going to walk to the school gates.
Then we are going to all turn left
And then walk down the street.
Do you understand?
Naturally they all say that they understand.
Then I begin to walk them through my instructions, but when we get to the school gates, I ask them, by pointing with my arms, will we go this way (left) or that way (right).
It is surprising how often they will indicate that we should turn Right.
You see, even though they heard me say left, because they knew that the road ended just 20 metres away, they automatically chose to turn right. But that was not what I told them to do. When people give us instructions, or if someone tells us something very important, or if it is possible that we may not have heard or understood clearly, we should make sure of the other person's meaning.
You can do this by reflecting back what you think is the other person's meaning. Using the instructions (above), we could check the meaning by saying: "So you want us to go downstairs, cross to the front gates, then go into the street, and head toward town. Is that right?" Naturally, I would then know that they did not catch my meaning, and I would say: "NO! I want you to go the other direction!".
So reflecting the meaning,
means to repeat by paraphrase,
(in your own words)
what the other person has said.
Both reflection and reflecting are designed to make sure that you have heard and understood what the other person was meaning to say, and in this way, it also guarantees that you are communicating effectively.
Cultural Undestanding:
Earlier I wrote that "Intercultural communication requires a great deal of skill. One part of that involves cultural understanding"
The issue of cultural understanding relates to many things, the first of which is to make sure that we (as speakers of a second language), give the same value and meaning to foreign words, as does the foreigner. Take for example the simple statement that: "This is my Sister!"
In China, Sister can mean almost anyone. But until a foreigner knows this, he gives that word the same meaning that it has in English. He will rightly believe that your sister is the daughter of your mother and father. Once a foreigner knows that he might be misunderstanding you, he needs to ask clarifying questions. In this case, we are talking about the fact that two different cultures think differently about family relationships. We must all learn something of each other's culture and never assume that our cultural meaning will be the same.
b. Clarifying Questions.
In the section above about reflecting meaning the example I gave: "So you want us to go downstairs, cross to the front gates, then go into the street, and head toward town. Is that right?" is also called a clarifying question.
A clarifying question is a question we ask when we think that we might not have understood clearly, something that someone said. Now let's look again at the statement that: "This is my Sister".
I know that when a Chinese person mentions the word 'sister', that they might be talking about a cousin. So I always check. These days, I just ask: "Do you mean Jiejie / meimei, or Biaojie /biaomei?" I very quickly come to know the exact meaning. (More exact actually than in English.)
But let me give you two examples, of how difficult it can be at times, to understand someone exactly, because two cultures think differently.
Example A:
You see that beautiful girl there? She is my Sister. Her father is a teacher in this school.
So your father is a teacher here.
No! My father works in a company.
Oh! So you have different fathers.
Of course!
Well, that surprises me. I didn't think there would be too many kids in China who have the same mother but different fathers.
Huh? We don't have the same mother.
But you said she was your sister.
Yes!
I'm sorry! I don't follow you!
Her father is my mother's brother.
Oh! She is your cousin.
Yes! She is my sister-cousin.
The foreigner then mumbles to himself: "Crazy Chinese!"
Example B.
When you come to visit me, you can meet my sister.
Do you and your sister have the same mother and father?
Of course!
OH! You mean that she is your sister!
That's what I said didn't I? (Mumbling to himself the Chinese boy says: "Crazy foreigner!")
We should never assume anything in conversation. We should make sure.
We do this by repeating Keywords, by reflecting meaning, and by asking clarifying questions. If we do these things, then we stand a very good chance of having an effective conversation; a conversation in which there is no confusion. Of course, in order to do all of this, you have to remember to reply to questions using whole, or complete sentences; sentences with subjects, verbs, and objects.
In answering questions however, you also need to know how to give informative answers. An informative answer is one in which you give more information than was specifically asked for, because you already can guess the next question or two. It not only saves time to give the answers to those questions while you are answering the first question, but it also makes your answer more interesting.
That will be the next topic we look at in this series of articles.
Till then - I send to you my best wishes and hope that his article has been of help to you.
R.P.BenDedek is from Brisbane Australia and is the author of 'The King's Calendar: The Secret of Qumran' at http://www.kingscalendar.com His academic articles set forth Apologetics for and results of his discovery of an "artificial chronological scheme" running through the Bible, Josephus, the Damascus Documents of the Dead Sea Scrolls, and Seder Olam Rabbah.
He writes photographic 'Stories from China' and social editorial commentaries, both at KingsCalendar, and as a contributing newspaper columnist. He currently teaches Conversational English in China and in addition to his English Lessons at KingsCalendar, he has created specific sites for Students of English.
