Spare a Thought for Minority Groups and Big Business!
Australia’s Indigenous Brethren together with leftist snowflakes have been demanding that Australia Day (Our National Day on January 26th) be moved so as not to cause offense to all of those who feel the loss when Australia was invaded by England two centuries ago.
The debate rages on and on.
Well here is the BenDedek solution which should satisfy everyone: SCRAP AUSTRALIA DAY!
Don’t move it! Don’t rename it! Don’t fight over it! Just remember that the debate causes offense to someone somewhere and so let’s put a stop to all offense over Australia Day and just cancel it!
No holiday! No double-time and a half for working on that day! No special 3-day weekend to celebrate this contentious holiday!
Let us all give up this holiday in support of the original Australians!
The Chinese have a National Holiday – not a Chinese Day!
The French have Bastille Day – not a French Day!
The Americans have 4th of July – not a USA Day!
So if White Australians insist on a holiday, how about we celebrate October 1st as ‘National Holiday!’
Oh Sorry! I just remembered that last year we moved the Queen’s Birthday from June 1st to October 1st. Oh bugger it! How many people are there in Australia who don’t believe in the Monarchy? Why offend them with a ‘Queen’s Birthday’ holiday? Let’s ditch the Queen’s Birthday holiday and the Australia Day holiday and the penalty rates you get if you are rostered to work those days, and just keep our businesses open on those days!
Oh! And I just remembered that there are lots of people who aren’t Christians and lest we offend them we should get rid of the Christmas Holiday too and you may as well include the Easter Holiday. And let’s not forget New Year’s Day – that most assured sign of White Western Privilege. The Russians don’t celebrate that day on January 1st, and Asian Spring Festival (New Year) usually falls during January/February. So let’s get rid of that white trash useless holiday as well.
Oh! I’ve another brilliant idea! Let’s make Melbourne Cup Day an official holiday. We could call it, Melbourne Cup National Holiday Day! Brilliant! That would put a stop to all those sickies that Aussies pull on Melbourne Cup Day.
So there you have it.
Let’s stop all of this offense to all of these minority and not-so minor groups.
No holiday for Christmas Day, (so that also dispenses with Boxing Day), No Australia Day, No Anzac Day (which must at least offend the Turks if no one else), No Easter, No Queen’s Birthday and last but not least NO Labour Day, which should of course only be reserved for pregnant women and mothers.
Problem solved. Now Get back to Work!
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